Interview Season

I'm in a state of complete confusion and conflict.

And (yes, I'm starting a sentence off with a conjunction -- so hard) let me also just say: 

I do not know what I'm doing in the next couple of months. 

Okkaaayyyy?  Let's just clear the air and get that out there.

But, that does not mean I am option-less, indifferent or inconsiderate to the people my decisions will effect.  In fact, the opposite: I have many options, really care about where I will be and what I will be doing, and am thinking about my family, my current co-workers and all my dear friends both far and near. 

So, here is a peek into my haphazard thought process and what I'm currently "going through":  

I was officially offered my teaching assistantship for a second year, starting in October, at the same school.  This is great news and I am so thankful to be recognized as a vital part of the USTA program and the HLFS Ursprung. I also love Austria.  It has fully rejuvenated my love for silly German dialects and over-exaggerated mountainscapes (like, really Austria, can you calm down?).

My experience has been quite honestly, nothing but positive... Well except for you January, you know what you did to me and my ears, nose and throat.    

That being said, I must remind myself of why I came here in the first place:  to gain experience teaching and to see how international agricultural systems work and how agricultural education is supported by public policy.  Additionally, I wanted to live on my own, by myself, think about me! my future! and what I am really passionate about.  Essentially: a little taste of isolation and contemplation.

When I first packed my bags to leave I was more than prepared to leave for two years to teach because applying for jobs back home is a heart-wrenching experience that makes me feel like poo on a log, and I was just plain scared of getting rejected so.damn.much.  Now? Well, here are the reasons why I think my days in Austria are numbered and that my work here is complete.  

1.  I am no longer scared of applying for jobs.  This is kind of a lie.  Yes, of course, I am still scared but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop.  I now have two years of work experience in working with both local and school communities, planning lessons, writing, editing, teaching, instructing, explaining, collaborating, helping, achieving goals, and learning.  Plus, it doesn't hurt to have money saved up and family that (hopefully!) has beds you can crash in :) 

2. I have options now!  The title of this post is "Interview Season" for a reason.  I applied to countless jobs in February and March and now I am finally harvesting requests for interviews.  Such a great feeling.  First, in February I was offered a summer horticulture internship in Poteau, Oklahoma at this place here in this link!  3 months of paid labor and learning in practically-Arkansas.  This is definitely an option I'm considering.  Second, I just received e-mails about interviews with a German-speaking emersion summer camp in Vermont (just for the month of June) and with an Americorps program in Portland that would start in June.  I also re-applied for the FoodCorps (in California, New Mexico and Montana).  FoodCorps is like an ex-boyfriend who you keep going back to, I just can't help myself! 

3. I miss American and it's people. This might seem an illegitimate reason to some, but hey!! I'm entitled to my homesickness, I am allowed to love who I am related to, I am positively permitted to miss my friends and want to live in communities that always understand me :)  More importantly, I do not think I'm not the best version of myself when I live by myself working only 13 hours a week.  I am kind of lazy and I'm bad at keeping in touch; I'm not a great friend, a good athlete, or a good daughter, grand daughter, and sibling (also, soon-to-be-aunt!).  I want to come back to the U.S. and share what I've learned here, starting running competitively (or maybe even join a BA rugby league in Seattle or Portland) and help make the U.S. food system a system that empowers its citizens. 

There are so many other reasons why I want, or do not feel I can stay, but I think my mind just might be made up. I'm sorry if you were planning a trip to visit me, maybe I can just accompany you.  I am a great tour guide (ha!).

That all being said, I am excited what the future holds, I'm tired of dreading it, or fearing it, it will take it's path.  As a very wise professor once wrote me (in German, but I'll translate it for you): 

The path into the future is rarely straight

and well, if that means I might be spending 3 months in OK, or start working right away in PDX, so be it: I am ready.  

So, ladies and gentlemen put May 29th on you calendars!  I arrive at Sea-Tac at 3:35pm! 

Now, off to enjoy my next two months.  

Next stop?  

Croatia!